A Rainy Evening

It was raining hard last evening as I stood waiting for a bus to take me home from work.  At last one approached, and I struggled to close my umbrella, and drag my rolling backpack onto what turned out to be a very crowded bus.  We all stood wet and bedraggled, cheek to jowl.  I determined internally not to “go negative about it,” even in my thoughts. 

The man next to me, 20 years younger, and an inch shorter, made eye contact with me and said, “What was the most profound book you ever read, and how did it affect your life?” 

I paused, even while hearing the bus driver guffaw in the background, plundering my memory. I was about to mention “Interview with a Vampire,” (for reasons I’ll explain in a later blog), but then, after a couple seconds said, The Alexandria Quartet by Lawrence Durrell.  He confessed he’d never heard of it.

I gave him a quick synopsis.  The Quartet is comprised of four books Justine, Balthazar, Mountolive, and Clea, each named after a different character.  The first one, Justine, I read and loved.  I saw the colorful story, set in Egypt, unfurl with sensual and exotic imagery.  I loved the story, though I felt sometimes impatient with the narrator (who was not Justine).  The second book, however, had somewhat the same story, but was retold by another character.  I discovered that everything I had thought true in the first book was only true in THAT narrator’s eyes – that the new character had seen everything differently.

This was a startling concept to me, and had a profound impact because I was young, all of 19 or 20.  I had not really seen, before then, the point of view of the other.  I guess I’d assumed, in the egocentric manner of a teenager, that everyone more or less saw ‘reality’ the same as I did.

I asked the young man what book he had read.  He said he’d been reading quantum physics (I do not recall the title), and that he was amazed that everything we see is just a tiny bit of what actually exists. 

I mentioned that not only did what we see change when viewed through the quantum physics lens, but also when we ourselves had changed.  I told him about Robert Kegan’s stages of development that I had read a bit about, with the lowest being a completely self-involved, selfish person, and the highest being someone like Gandhi, peace loving and compassionate.  Kegan believes we are evolving towards higher mind, irregardless of how much bad behavior we read about daily. 

We marveled that we were sort of talking about the same things.  Then I noticed through the bus window that our delightful conversation had sped the bus to my destination.  I was sorry to have it end!  He asked me for my card, and I didn’t have one.  He started to write down his particulars, and then I think we both felt a little awkward.  It was a conversation for that moment in time, but probably wouldn’t happen again outside our unique set of circumstances.  I was content with that.  I don’t know if he was…

My question to my friends would be the same that man asked me – “What book (or books) have had a profound influence on your life, and how?”

Love Early

I recently attended my first Bar Mitzvah, and found it to be a very enlightening and moving experience.  The ceremony took place in a temple on the North Shore of Massachusetts.  I was particularly touched by the expressions of love and caring that were poured on the boy being bar mitzvahed.  His parents, one Catholic, one Jewish, got up and told him, and an audience of family, peers, and friends, how much they loved him.  They also talked about attributes of his that they admired.  It wasn’t stuff like, “he’s such a good boy.”  It had more to do with his unique personality, the kind of student he is, and even the charity work that he had chosen to do.  The boy’s grandparents participated in like manner, as did his siblings, and his uncles.  The rabbi was generous and kind in his remarks as well.  Everyone gave him a kiss on the forehead, even his brothers. 

His mother gave him some instruction for the future, but it was, again, addressing his unique strengths.  Paraphrasing, it went something like “You have always been a strong individual, not afraid to give your opinion, or defend it.  This will help you in the future, because you will find many people will try to influence you and perhaps lead you off course.  If you stick to these strengths, you will do fine.”  It was realistic, practical, and using the attributes he already had, not wishful for something he was not.

In the reception afterwards, there was a cake brought out with candles.  As each candle was lit, the celebrated boy talked about the people in his family who were supportive of him, and how he loved them.  Both his Catholic and Jewish relatives were honored, equally.  Each person came up to light a candle as he spoke about them, until he was surrounded by his family.

Although this was a religious ceremony, it was not just Torah-quoting and Hebrew singing.  It was also a ceremony for life.  I wondered how much better this boy’s life would be going forward, clearly knowing how much he is loved by family and friends alike? 

The only time some people get these wonderful words spoken are at their own funerals.  And then it’s too late, and they don’t get to benefit from them!  Why not a living eulogy?

I wished that all children, boys and girls, had this sort of ceremony, where they were presented to the world by their families in a loving and authentic way.  Where their strengths and attributes were praised, and they were acknowledged for who they are NOW, not just for what their family hopes and dreams they will BE.  What impact would this have on children’s lives?

This sort of ceremony would probably not have happened in the church I was raised in.  I think it would have been viewed as somehow immodest or unseemly, flattery, creating vanity and pride in an individual, which are ‘sinful.’  But if something like that HAD happened, authentic, truly loving and caring of me as the individual I was at 13, how much different would my life have been?  Would my self esteem have been better?  Would I have indulged in less self-destructive behavior as an adult?

I believe it is important that we tell one another NOW how we feel about them.  Not just because they may die tomorrow, which is very possible.  But, for their LIFE!  Appreciate them NOW, love them NOW, offer that encouragement NOW. 

Where is the Love?

Last night I dreamed that I was on temporary assignment in another office with a group of women who were extremely appreciative of me and my skills.  They gave praise freely, had positive attitudes, and even gave me hugs for a good job! 

When I woke up to find it had only been a dream, and I had to trudge into my ‘real-world’ office this morning, I felt dismayed. 


[Snipped at the advice of a friend, who felt I should not write about my office.  Those who would like to receive this, I'll send it to you via email.  Sorry - I hate to begin censoring myself so early, but...  LOL]

In the beginning...

I have entitled this blog, "Always Love."  In part, it comes from the book I've been reading, "Transformation of the Heart," about Sufism.  The Sufis have an extraordinary language of love that is mystical, spiritual, and universal.  Most Westerners are familiar with the Sufi mystic Rumi, and his ecstatic poetry to the Beloved.  His work is full of innuendo which seemingly is about lovers, but is actually about his relationship to God.

I have found that when I am 'in the flow,' in an accepting frame of mind where I allow the events of daily living to carry me along instead of resisting every little thing, that synchronicities start to happen.  At first they appear random, but eventually, depending on how conscious I am that day, I see a pattern appear -- a pattern that shows me that this river I've been swept along in, these random events, are not so random at all. 

In a fit of whimsy today, I was using Google to find latin translations of English.  At work we were trying to come up with goofy mottos to describe our constituents, when I stumbled across a phase that leapt off the page at me.  It describes what I have been writing and thinking about for years.

Here is the phrase:
"Lux et umbra vicissm, sed semper amor."  Translation:  "Light and shadow by turns, but always love.

This bit of randomness was pointing me in a direction, and this blog is a rest area along the way.
This is my life as it has always been, and will ever be.